Harlem Pregnancy Resources
True Love is Chastity lived out in thought, word, and deed; it is
a way of life which honors and protects the whole person; it is more about what you are doing than about what you are not doing; it is the readiness to affirm and love the person in every situation (JohnPaul II); it brings Joy & Peace.
"Chastity frees us from the tendency to use others for selfish gratification and enables us to love others as Christ loves us." (Christopher West)
This is how we all long to be loved; it is how we are called to love others. With the virtue of Chastity, no person is ever viewed or treated as an object - something to be used and then cast aside.
What is Chastity? It is
1. …saying yes to REAL love.
Love is wanting what is best for the beloved above and beyond your own needs and desires. Sex does not equal love, and love does not equal sex. Love is not just a happy feeling; If it's the right person, your love will grow and last without having sex - and that will make it a lot easier to know if your relationship is love, infatuation, or just plain lust.
2. …saying yes to YOU.
Chastity says, "I am worth waiting for. I am a unique person of great worth, a precious gift to another." By living chastity, you say YES to your own dignity, and honor the person God made you to be. You will experience freedom from anxiety, stress, and drama; your self-esteem will grow, and all your relationships will benefit.
3. …saying YES to the person.
Sex outside marriage invariably leads to one partner using the other to satisfy his or her own lustful desires. To every person you meet, especially those of the opposite sex, Chastity says, "I will not hurt or use you. I will respect who you are, including your body. I will honor you as a person by controlling my eyes and thoughts."
4. … saying YES to a healthy future.
Popular opinion suggests that your life will be perfect after you begin having sex, but the statistics show just the opposite - unintended pregnancy, STDs, abortion, higher rates of depression, suicide, divorce, and poverty. Studies show that hormonal contraceptives lower immunity, have potentially harmful side-effects, can affect your future fertility, and increase risk of breast and cervical cancers; Abortion raises a woman's risk of infertility, problems with subsequent pregnancies, and breast cancer.
5. …saying YES to your spouse
By living chastity, you are learning to love others even when it's not easy or doesn't feel good. You are developing self-control and faithfulness - plus you won't bring an STD to your marriage bed. If you have made mistakes in the past, open yourself to God's forgiveness and healing, and start over right now.
6. …saying YES to “it is very good” sex.
When God created man and woman, He said, "It is very good." By God's design sex is SO great and SO good that when it is taken outside the bonds of marriage it is cheapened and it's no longer a blessing. Having sex with different people now makes it difficult when you are married to express your life-long commitment and shared giving and receiving through an act that once meant so much less to you.
7. … saying yes to GOD.
God is the Author of love. He has set the bar high because He knows the deepest desires of our hearts and He wants what is truly best for us. Chastity says YES to the fullness of God's plans for you. Turn to God and live daily for Him. He is the only One who will always love and be with you. in a romantic relationship, only marriage offers 100% commitment
It starts with a decision & a commitment..... 13 Practical Steps to Start Living Chastity NOW Chastity cannot be lived by one’s own strength, but requires God’s help and grace. Ask God for help to know and do what’s right. Ask someone to pray for you about this. 2. RESPECT YOURSELF If you don't respect yourself, no one else will. Sex isn't what gives you value or make you worth loving - You are SO much more than a body, so keep your clothes on! 3. START LOVING AUTHENTICALLY NOW 4. PRACTICE SELF-DISCIPLINE Challenge yourself in the little things: don’t hit the snooze button, skip dessert, avoid gossip, etc. Then, when temptation comes your way, you’ll be ready to resist. Be faithful to your commitments, don’t tell lies, keep your word, set goals and stick with them, say no to impulsive choices – this is how trust is earned and integrity developed 5. HAVE A MIND OF YOUR OWN People admire those who aren't afraid to stand up for what they believe in. Never change who you are or water down your beliefs and moral convictions in the hopes that others will like you more. Choose friends who share your values and encourage one another in resisting peer pressure. Be confident - don't have sex just to follow the crowd or hold on to a relationship. 6. GUARD YOUR THOUGHTS & IMAGINATION 7. KNOW YOURSELF Think about what you value in life - what do you consider important, precious, worth standing up for? Consider the qualities you want in a mate - then make a list; do you have the same character? Would he or she choose you as their mate? If not, start acting like it, and you will eventually become that person! Ask yourself if you really want someone who’s “easy”, has slept around, can’t be trusted, uses people, is self-centered, talks trash? OR if who you want is someone with good boundaries and values who respects you, protects your reputation and heart, knows that today’s choices will affect your future? 8. WATCH HOW YOU ADVERTISE YOURSELF Do something that reminds you of your promise to wait for your mate. Wear a chastity ring or a chain; say a certain special prayer daily; write out your commitment and hang it on your mirror; ask your friends or family to help set boundaries – having a curfew, checking in, choosing safe activities, etc. 10. DON'T GET TRAPPED Relationships can get very heavy very fast once sex is involved. You get attached too soon, can’t see who the person really is, it’s harder to leave the relationship, and too often hearts are broken. There is just too much pressure and responsibility with this kind of commitment - it brings out the worst in everyone! Fears about pregnancy, STDs, and trust issues, can make you confused, mad, anxious – just too much drama! 11. GET INVOLVED IN HEALTHY ACTIVITIES Play sports, jog, practice an instrument, get an afterschool job, become a volunteer, study hard, plan your future goals, spend time with family, join the church choir or youth group, read a book, listen to good music, go for a walk, get a hobby…. 12. BE ALERT! BE WISE! Be aware of your surroundings (don't drink a soda that's been opened and out of your sight). Don’t drink alcohol or do drugs – and that includes weed. These substances affect your ability to think clearly and make good decisions. 13. ENJOY GROUP DATES Go out with a group of people (some of those friends from tips #5 + 9) . It will be more fun, and you will get to see how your date interacts with your friends. Be upfront and honest at the beginning so he or she knows that chastity is essential in your relationship. If your date doesn't respect this commitment to yourself, what else won't they respect? Adapted from an article by Nicole Muhlenkamp
1. PRAY
Find ways to make sacrifices for the good of others. Only infants should feel it’s “all about me”. Act in such a way that everything you do reflects your own dignity and helps others to realize their true worth, too.
Once you go to a place mentally, it is easier to go there in reality. Often what we see and hear in the media sabotages our longings for real love by training us to use people. If you have novels, movies, pornography, explicit songs, or anything else that tempts you, trash them. It might be hard, but you will experience the freedom that comes from rejecting sin and addiction.
The things you do and say, your friends, the way you dress, etc., all tell the world something about you. GIRLS: Dress in a way that accents your beauty rather than just your body (nothing too short, too low, or too tight!). Modesty is about respecting yourself and helping your brothers in Christ to live chastity as well. When a guy looks at you, will he think, "Wow, this girl is beautiful and really respects herself" OR will he lustfully think of you as a sex object??
9. HAVE A REMINDER
Don’t be alone at anyone's home, and stay OUT of the bedroom! Don’t cuddle on the sofa or lie down together; whatever, just don’t let things heat up. It’s not only about saying NO in a bad situation. If people, things, or situations are a source of temptation to you, have the wisdom and strength to stay away from them.
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